Moments of departure and moments of reconnection are critical.

Moments of Departure & Moments of Reconnection

Have you ever come home after your work day only to get the feeling they didn't really care you were home? Ever have them leave without saying good-bye? Does that bother you?

An adult romantic relationship is all about building a secure attachment bond between partners. As such, like with children, there are critical moments that communicate a lot. The moments we depart from our partner and the moment we return and have a chance to reconnect with them are very important.

When we separate from our partner with a hug, kiss and ideally some warm words, we take with us the deep sense that we matter and will be thought of while gone. With this sense we get the strength to carry on with our day knowing our primary relationship is secure. When we come home and feel welcome, an inner sunshine beams as we again feel as though we matter in their world. This creates a huge sense of security. Many couples who struggle violate this critical and biological need, then wonder why they are feeling angry, resentful and hurt.

In our relationship we worked out a wonderful way to manage these moments. Whoever is leaving has to seek the other person out and say good-bye. The other person stops what they are doing to share in a moment of departure - a hug, kiss and well wishes for the day. We also discuss when our next point of contact will be.

Upon returning home, the person who gets home last has to go seek the other out and connect. The other person has to stop what they are doing and join in that moment of reconnection. We will spend at least five or ten minutes talking, sharing, getting caught up and importantly, making plans for the evening so we know when we will spend some time being together as a couple.

Add this rule - make it a "norm" in your relationship and I will bet your days and nights will get better.

November 2011

Relationships & Marriage Counseling

Moments of Departure & Moments of Reconnection