Just what is a relationship anyway?

What is a Relationship?

I often say that we are in relationships to get needs met that we otherwise cannot get met. The six attachment needs below are ones we all long for very deep in our bones. We desperately want our partner to:

Appreciate us
Accept us
Understand us
Feel close
Think of us as important
and reflect the good in us

Many times we can get some or most of those needs met, but there is usually at least one of these that, when we are not getting it met, rub us so wrong we have big emotions. This fuels the negative cycle between couples, but that’s another blog. For now, I am suggesting that a primary relationship is one where we look for our partner to meet those needs; to communicate to us that they believe those things about us.

A safe and secure relationship is one where those needs above are being communicated daily. We relate to our primary partner through the communication (or not) of those needs. Or put another way, we measure our place or our value in their lives by the communication or not of these six attachment needs. We decide if there is a relationship or not in this way.

Are you getting these needs met in your relationship? Are you meeting your partners attachment needs?

August 2011

Relationships & Marriage Counseling

What is a Relationship?