Another Creating Secure Love tip: What to do when things are going well.

When Things Are Going Well

Marlon Familton - Marriage Counselor and Seeker of the Positive

If you've read some of my other tips and/or my blog, you'll notice that I'm big on couples actually talking with each other. Surprise! I try to suggest that one way to have a good relationship is to actually talk to each other. But what do you talk about? In a relationship there are basically two types of conversations to have; you can either talk about Task or Maintenance.

Task conversations are the easiest to recognize. Conversations about tasks are simply, who picks up little Sally from school, who is doing the grocery shopping, how you are going to juggle paying the bills, etc., etc. These are the lists of things to do; logistics.

Maintenance conversations are all about connecting, loving each other, repairing arguments, or working to improve the relationship. When things are going well, talk to your partner and say, "Hey, things are going really well. I appreciate you, when you _____________ ." Talk about how the relationship is going well for you, what you observe your partner doing that makes you feel good, and notice what you see happening that is contributing to the relationship going well for you.

Then be sure and ask your partner their thoughts and feelings. Don't miss this part about being curious about them!

Talking about the positive is important. Acknowledging your strengths as a couple and the strengths of you partner is critical. If you never talk about what is going right for you, what they are doing right and what you want more of, how are you going to get more of the good stuff?

So when things are going really well, say so! Be together and talk together. Talk about why it is and how you got there. The best way to get more of what you want is to talk about what you see working.

What do you do when things are NOT going well? Read this to find out.

Relationships & Marriage Counseling

When Things Are Going Well